What happened to 2008!?

Sparky & I are so embarrassed that we've slacked for OVER A YEAR on this blog. We sure don't seem like great storytellers, do we? We are approaching our 10-year high school reunion weekend, so we're thinking there will be some stories to be told once the weekend is over. If not, it means we're getting old and we're lame. Oh well... at least we have Sac & Joe to keep giving us oodles of material to write about.

Signs of Intelligence

Our little blog has been quiet for some time. However, now that summer is near and the beach is calling it is time for some action!

Signs of Intelligence is another drinking game near and dear to our hearts. No cards or cups needed here - just the ability to drink and count syllables.

The gist of the game - listen to the conversation of your group and call out the person who says a word with more than three syllables. Simple enough.

For instance: "A spontaneous night out always leads to trouble." DRINK 4!! Spontaneous - 4 syllables.

However, signs of intelligence can be extended to words that just sound smart & out of place in a bar when you are drinking regardless of the number of syllables.

For instance: "Ahhh - that is a copious amount of beer!" DRINK!!! Honestly - who says copious when talking about beer.

$100, A Steak & A Baked Potato

During the 2004/2005 New Year's weekend the crew (Sacco, Tyner & Sparky) were up in Hotlanta bringing in the New Year like rockstars. After an eight hour stint at a local watering hole, the crew was tired of watching football and playing flip pitcher and decided to head on out to a strip club. As we rolled up to The Pink Pony it was then that I, Sparky, realized how full my bladder was as well as how long the line was to get in the club. My first thought - this is going to be bad, very very bad. Brittany & I tried unsuccessfully to coerce the bouncers into letting us in the club just to use the restroom. After standing in line for what seemed an eternity I started to complain about how bad I had to go. This is when the fun begins. My husband (please see previous posts) turns around and offers me $100.00 to relieve myself on him. WHAT THE SMURF?? I decline. He then offers me $100.00 & a steak dinner. Once again...WHAT THE SMURF??? I decline. My husband then states that he will throw in a baked potato as well.

My response - Make it a loaded baked potato and we have a deal.

*Please note that I did not relieve myself on this man. Although, if he had offered me $1,000 the story would have ended differently :)

What Came First... the Scrambled Baby Chicken or the Sausage Gravy Covered Horse Patty

First, let me explain what the hell is going on here. There's this drinking game... "What the F*ck?"... Yes, that's the name of the game (Sarah bought it at the dirty store [aka, sex store, toy store...]). It has a plethora of inappropriate questions, and the purpose is to guess what another person will answer to one of these tasteless inquiries.

Well, one question that came up on a road-trip (members being Brittany, Sarah, & Chris) was "Would you rather eat scrambled, about to hatch baby chickens, OR sausage gravy covered horse patties (aka, horse shit)?" The question was asked to me, so Sarah & Chris had to guess what I'd answer. They thought I'd choose the latter (horse shit), but I chose what any other sane person would choose: chicken. They claimed I was disgusting! They'd rather eat horse shit than nicely scrambled chicken!! Now every time they proclaim, "Scrambled baby chicken eater," I have to drink. I think that they should drink when I yell out, "Gravy covered poop eater!"

Let me continue this saga by saying, every time we ask this question to anyone else, the person ALWAYS chooses chicken. What does that mean? Hmmm... Further more, on December 30, 2006, Chris stated that he's STARTING TO RETHINK HIS POSITION ON THE SCRAMBLED BABY CHICKEN DEBATE. That's right, folks. He's come to his senses and realized that no matter what you cover it in, poop will NEVER be okay to eat (unless you're Wicket, and then cat poop is a delicacy. And that still isn't okay).

2.7 miles!? ... I know!

It was sheer coincidence that we found an online clip that demonstrates our ability to bring all conversations back to poop. Poor Jaimey doesn't appreciate our fecal obsession, but we enjoy the quotes that tend to come out of these conversations. This clip is a perfect example of quotable poopisms... "2.7 miles!? ... I know!"

And so we pay homage (drink) to poop. Yay, poop!

People Actually Say This Shit

I am always amazed at the words that come out of people's mouths - mine included. We have our "Quotes from the Archives" which will be a list of our older quotes - we will update this list as we find more napkins, coasters & tabs with our scribbles. This post will include more recent quotes - enjoy!

Angie - "You have to get your fingers messy if you want to get a little juice."

David (Big City) - "I think I need to have a drive-by tooting."

Big Jim (BigCity) - "You are supposed to slide down the pole. It's part of the show!"

Brittany - "His family is a banjo dipped in creole sauce."

Sarah - "One time at the HB Sacco had a harem of kilt wearing, fur toting hoes at the table next to him."

Jaimey - "There's a lot of head at the top."
Brittany - "Don't worry - it'll go down."

Sacco (said while mimicking quotations with fingers) - "Brittany with her rules. Monogomy...Only date me."

Brittany (to Sarah) - "Copious? What are you fucking Webster or something?"

Brittany (to Sarah) - "He (Sacco) didn't reposition his meat like we did."

Joy - "Just sit on a stuffed animal - it feels the same."

Sacco - "It doesn't count if you stick your tongue in the hole."

Sacco (to Brittany in regards to her friendship with Jaimey & Sarah) - "You can soil it. They love you."

Sacco - "If I get full I would rather it be in the butt end."

Sacco- "Does this thing come with 1 olive?" (Brittany & Sarah giggling hysterically) Jaimey - "Can I try your olive?" Sacco - "Have the whole thing. I'm CTRL-ALT-DEL'ing this thing."

Stephen (Birthday Boy at Howl) - "If I elbow you in the left titty again (to Sparky) let me know & I will give you some money."

Terri - "I was drinking coffee this morning and I didn't have any pants on."

Bully - "BUCKET DOWN!"

Brittany (to Chris) - "Just lick it and see if you like it - then you can dip it."

A Redneck Quote

One day Sparky & Tyner were hanging out on the beautiful beaches of Fort Dub enjoying a tasty beverage that so conveniently comes in a can. The topic of Mullet, the fish, came up. Sparky stated that she has never tried Mullet - Tyner then responds:

"I love fried Mullet tail! It tastes like crunchy french fries!"

Later that day, Sparky repeats Tyner's statement to Joy. Joy's response:

"It does! It does! It does taste like crunchy french fries!"

There are always times when you question your friends sanity - this was smurfing one of them!